creative anger management

… an innovative form of anger management! After the day I had I needed the laugh!

ANGER Management (original author unknown)

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don’t know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying “Hello.”

I politely said, “This is Chris, could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”

Suddenly a manic voice [probably a liberal] yelled out in my ear “Get the right f***ing number!” and he slammed down the phone. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a shit head!”, and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘shit head’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day; I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a shithead!”

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘shit head’ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is Jerry Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a shit head!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW [probably another liberal] cut me off and stole the spot I had patiently waited for. I honked the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot – he just gave me the finger!

However, he had a For Sale on his side windows, with his phone number!

I wrote it down.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first shit head, (I had his number on speed dial); I thought that I’d better call the BMW shit head, too. I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

He said, “Yes, it is.”

I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out in front.”

So I asked, “What’s your name?”

He said, “My name is Don Hansen.”

I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

He said, “I’m home every evening after five.”

I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

He said, “Yes?”

I said, “Don, you’re a shit head!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem: I had two shit heads to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called shit head #1.

He said, “Hello.”

I said, “You’re a shit head!”; (but I didn’t hang up.)

He asked, “Are you still there?”

I said, “Yeah.”

He screamed, “Stop calling me.”

I said, “Make me.”

He asked, “Who are you?”

I said, “My name is Don Hansen.” (Don’s the guy with the BMW)

He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?”

I said, “Shit head, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow house. I have a black Beamer parked right in front.”

He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don; and you had better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, shit head,” and hung up.

Then I called shit head #2.

He said, “Hello?”

I said, “Hello, shit head.”

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”

I said, “You’ll what?”

He said, “I’ll kick your ass.”

I answered, “Well, shit head, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just in time to watch the two shit heads beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter; and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.


3 Responses

  1. This was hysterical. I read it to my guys and they laughed, too.

  2. This made my day! Thanks for sharing! We all take ourselves too seriously sometimes…

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